King Cobra: Keenan Allen, Cobra FC Sink Fangs Into Sinking Sevin Dingleterry

Righteous Fury: Stone, Heaven’s Heroes Impress Again as League Denies Dunegan’s Eleventh Hour Plea

In an ironic twist of fate, despite playing a team with core values of mercy and grace, Galveston Bay Muddy Waters manager Sam Dunegan found little of either in this week 2 tilt against Matt Stone’s Heaven’s Heroes squad. Billed as an intriguing tussle between former Ignite Texas frontmen, this fixture will arguably be remembered not for the play of the two clubs, but off the pitch accusations of a league wide conspiracy and a mysterious “can of worms.” 

After a solid week 1 victory, Galveston Bay’s chances of success this week took a nosedive when number 5 overall pick Austin Ekeler was ruled out of the contest with an ankle injury. In a corresponding move, the short handed Dunegan temporarily promoted running back Cam Akers into his starting lineup, hoping for a more efficient outing than the former Seminole produced in week 1. However, in a shocking move that took place shortly before Sunday’s action began, the Rams announced that Akers would not be suiting up for the team in week 2. 

Without another running back to turn to on his roster, Dunegan quickly hit waivers in an attempt to fill the void in his roster with 49ers backup running back Elijah Mitchell. But the misfortune continued for Dunegan, as league rules prevented him from adding Mitchell to his roster given that a player on his team, John Metchie III had already begun play.

Dunegan then made a public plea to the league to alter the rules to allow for the last minute transaction, but his appeal was met with opposition from the outspoken Coby Evers of Cobra FC, who warned that allowing Dunegan to add Mitchell under these circumstances who open a “can of worms.” As a result, Dunegan was unable to add a second running back and was forced to take a goose egg in his RB2 spot. For what it’s worth, Elijah Mitchell also scored 0 points and failed to register a touch in his matchup. 

Dunegan declined to speak to Platooner sources following the matchup, presumably due to his raw and unbridled rage. However, the HOA vice president did release a cryptic, grammatically challenged statement as strange as the man himself: 

“I don’t Have much to say About The weekend. Everything That could go wrong Happened.  Every weekend will test you in different ways Come hell Or high water. My team needs to be

Meticuolously crafted and Integrated into their team’s system to survive the Script writers. 

How about them boys tho?” 

While Dunegan’s odd statement may or may not lack credibility, they should not completely take the focus away from a great Heaven’s Heroes win. In handing Galveston Bay a decisive 26 point loss, Stone’s crew seemed to render Dunegan’s grievances moot with their dynamic play. 

Led by quarterback Justin Herbert (22.2 points) and wide receiver Tyler Lockett (21.9 points), Heaven’s Heroes maintained its place among the league’s unbeaten with the win. However, Stone will need to continue to carefully assess his lineup going forward, particularly with respect to the running back position as high profile players Najee Harris (4.8 points) and Alexander Mattison (3.4 points) have disappointed thus far. 

When asked if he has been pleased by his team’s 2-0 start and back to back strong performances, Stone channeled his inner mamba mentality in response: 

“What’s there to be happy about? Job’s not finished. Job finished? I mean, I don’t think so.” Stone quipped. 

Heaven’s Heroes will look to maintain their fine form against the likes of Kenny Turner and Flush Factory United in week 3, while Dunegan and Galveston Bay turn their anger toward Mitch Cantway’s Sevin Dingleterry unit. 

Take a Bow, New Boy: Forey Wins Battle of Rookie Managers Behind Big Kirk Cousins Performance

With both Team Forey manager Andrew Forey and The Fantasy Football Team manager Mack Magner each looking to make a strong impression in the Rookie of the Year managerial race, the eyes of many around the league were on this expansion club collision. In the end, those eyes went on to witness a resurgent performance from Team Forey, earning their gaffer his first career Pigskin Premier League victory. 

After scoring a league low 70.26 fantasy points in week 1, Forey’s club turned things around in a major way in week 2, dropping nearly 120 points in a well rounded team effort. In fact, Forey’s 50 point improvement from week 1 to week 2 was by far the highest in the league, and ranks among the most impressive week to week turnarounds since such stats were recorded by the PPL.

Pulling the strings of Forey’s epic bounce back were wide receiver Deebo Samuel (19.1 points) and running back Derrick Henry (17 points), both of whom turned in strong performances compared to their efforts in week 1. However, it was quarterback Kirk Cousins (28.56 points) who really stepped up for Team Forey with a massive Thursday night showing against the Eagles. Through two matches, Cousins surprisingly ranks as the top passer in fantasy football. 

On the heels of his impressive debut win, Forey wasted little time in attempting to promote his exciting new brand of fantasy football to fans across the league: 

“I’m the coach Prime of the PPL! New coach, new team, domination!” Forey boldly proclaimed. 

If Forey’s rapid turnaround provides a blueprint for younger managers to find success in the PPL, Mack Magner’s Fantasy Football Team may want to take notes as he continues to search for a spark to ignite his inaugural PPL campaign. 

While quarterback Josh Allen (23.66 points) returned to form after a poor week 1 and running back Christian McCaffrey continued to flourish (21 points), the rest of Magner’s lineup left a lot to be desired. Specifically, Magner will need stronger play from running backs Miles Sanders (6.2 points) and Javonte Williams (6.8 points), and will need to lock down a second starting receiver opposite Jaylen Waddle (10.4 points) going forward. 

Magner emphasized the need for better play from his team’s supporting cast while admirably critiquing his week 2 decision making in comments to the Platooner: 

“We’ve just got to be better for Christian. He’s putting the team on his back and everyone else is doing everything they can to drag him down. And I’ve got to be a better manager. Can’t have 18 points from Gabe Davis sitting on the bench, just cannot.” Magner stated. 

Both rookie managers are set to face a tough test in week 3, with Magner set to face off against 2-0 Kings Landing United and Jake Sawyer, while Forey Will square off against Stephen Clines and his 2-0 Can You Field the Love Tonight team. 

Ascending To The Throne: Sawyer, Kings Landing Earn Key Win as Injuries Mount for Tormey

In much the same way that luck, chance, fortune, and fate all play a key role in determining who will win the Game of Thrones, those same factors can all be critical components of fantasy football success as well. In this week 2 matchup between old rivals, the stars of destiny aligned for Kings Landing United manager Jake Sawyer, who was able to defeat Hunter Tormey and Frosty Flights for his second win in as many matches to kick off the 2023 PPL season. 

Following an excellent showing on Thursday Night Football (25.22 points for Jalen Hurts and 19.4 points from Justin Jefferson), Sawyer appeared well positioned to potentially put this matchup to bed early. However, the remaining 7 players in Sawyer’s starting lineup combined for less points than Hurts and Jefferson teamed up for, leading to a tighter finish than many around the league expected. In the end though, Sawyer did enough to stave off a comeback bid from Tormey. 

One of just three 2-0 teams remaining this season, Sawyer chalked up his team’s early success to nothing less than destiny itself: 

“I plan to let my boys ride. The universe is willing me to win at this point. They’ve chosen me and I don’t know why. But yeah, I do plan to make some truly game breaking deals with another lucky manager as I need more star power. But this week I was simply the better manager. My opponent was good but I know the scheme and locker room atmosphere of frosty flights and it’s not one of victory and team building. But I hope them the best - I believe they can steal a win eventually!” 

On the losing side of the match, Frosty Flights FC manager Hunter Tormey seemed poised to pull off a shocking comeback as Kings Landing running back Jamaal Williams (2.9 points) left Monday night’s game with a hamstring injury. Needing just a few more points to complete the turnaround, Tormey was dealt a heavy blow in the form of a gruesome injury to star running back Nick Chubb that not only cost him the matchup, but casts doubt over his long term prospects for success this season. 

“First and foremost, my thoughts and prayers go out to Nick and his family. This is an incredibly difficult time for this young man in his career, and we here at Frosty Flights will do absolutely everything we can to continue to support our brother.” Tormey said in reference to Chubb. 

In addressing his opponent however, Tormey quickly  dispensed with the pleasantries, accusing Sawyer of lacking decency and candor:

“There is truly no depth my opponent will not sink to. When I went to congratulate him after our match, all he could do was gloat about my player’s horrific injury. While I’m appalled by his lack of professionalism, I will of course forgive him as long as he publicly apologizes and says “I’m sorry Hunter sir, it won’t happen again sir!” Meanwhile for his sake I just hope Justin Jefferson was watching Tee Higgins this weekend and can learn how to score a touchdown, and frankly it’s very sad that Jalen Hurts has been reduced to a mere sneak merchant in Jake’s offense. I’d honestly be embarrassed to win by such scummy means! Sad!” Tormey said. 

Frosty Flights will look to get back in the win column against Keaton Adcock and the Master Ballers next week, while Sawyer looks to keep his perfect record alive against Mack Magner and the Fantasy Football Team. 

Gotta Flush Em All: Master Ballers Blow Up Flush Factory United in Kelce’s Return to Lineup

Just by looking at Master Ballers manager Keaton Adcock and Flush Factory United manager Kenny Turner, it may not be abundantly clear whether the two are fantasy football competitors or contestants on The Bachelorette. Yet in this “Battle of the Hunks”, it was PlatoonerBets intern Keaton Adcock who picked up the proverbial final rose, sealing the victory over his golden headed counterpart. 

For his part, Turner drops to 0-2 for the first time in his PPL career with the loss. On a positive note, Turner’s highly scrutinized running back room showcased impressive production, as Kenneth Walker III posted 17.9 points and Zach Moss gobbled up another 18.7. 

However, Turner’s passing attack could not keep pace, as quarterback Trevor Lawrence’s subpar 9.24 point outing coupled with 5.6 points from star receiver Jamarr Chase and a near goose egg from tight end Pat Freiermuth spelled disaster for Turner in the end. 

When asked about what adjustments he is planning to make in response to his club’s tough start, Turner stated as follows: 

“Here’s the deal, I am excited about having some new additions make an impact, and the usage I’m seeing from Olave. Now, I am certainly frustrated with the #2 overall pick who has yet to even sniff double digits this season. Honestly, it’s laughable that I would tie my teams success to a Cincinnati bengal. In addition, Trevor Lawrence played like he was an alien sent here to sabotage my teams chances at a title. With three players out or on IR, I need to make something happen quick or I will be in serious trouble.”

On the other side, Adcock’s Master Ballers succeeded in carrying over positive momentum from their near comeback win last week. 

Adcock’s roster turned in an excellent overall  performance, as every non-running back in his starting lineup chipped in at least 9.6 fantasy points. Quarterback Geno Smith rebounded after an underwhelming week 1 with 23.12 points, and wide receiver Garrett Wilson produced 15.3 points on just 2 catches. 

However, the lineup did have its flaws, as starting running backs Breece Hall (0.9 points) and Dameon Pierce (4.5 points) struggled mightily to gain traction in the matchup. Adcock knows that strong running back play is essential to long term fantasy football success, and made sure to address the issue in his comments to the Platooner: 

“It’s always a team effort, but we do love to see a win with a fairly even distribution across the board. We know we still have to put more points up still, but the team really used Harden and Defense Curl to toughen up and get the job done this week. Obviously, our backs had some challenges this week, but we can’t be getting a meager combined 5 points on the position. Look for a bounce back at these slots for us next week.” Adcock said. 

Adcock and the Master Ballers will look to earn another Gym Badge next week against Hunter Tormey and Frosty Flights FC, whereas Turner will look to earn a breakthrough victory at the expense of Matt Stone and Heaven’s Heroes. 

Pride Rock: Sans Jones, Nehikhuere Suffers Defeat As Evans And Hockenson Star

Umbrellas in hand, fans from across the league flocked to Houston, Texas this weekend to witness two of the drippiest managers in the league face off, as Tosa Nehikhuere and Who is Aaron Jones took on Stephen Clines and Can You Field the Love Tonight. The matchup did not disappoint, as the two teams combined for over 263 fantasy points, easily the highest overall point total of any game this season. However, despite great performances from both rosters there could be only one winner, and on this occasion it was Clines. 

After scoring the second most points across the league in week 1, Clines followed up his strong play in the opener with a 140.44 point masterclass. Running backs Bijan Robinson (19.2 points) and Tony Pollard (16.4 points) led a punishing ground assault, while Devonta Smith (21.1 points), Mike Evans (26.1 points) and TJ Hockenson (22.1 points) proved uncoverable in the passing game. Even kicker Brandon Aubrey got in on the scoring frenzy, converting 5 field goals en route to an 18 point performance. 

With the win, Clines improves to 2-0 and jumps to the top of the league standings. When asked by Platooner sources whether he believes his team can continue to keep firing on all cylinders the rest of the way, Clines echoed a sentiment expressed by UT football fans for years on end:

“I’m pretty pessimistic so not really, still trying to not get too excited. But also it’s my year.” Climes commented. 

While Clines ultimately picked up the win, Tosa Nehikhuere and his Who Is Aaron Jones squad have plenty to be proud of this week. As star players Cooper Kupp and Aaron Jones watched from the sideline in street clothes, Nehikhuere’s team produced an impressive 122.96 fantasy points, a figure which would have bested all but two teams in the league this week. 

The club’s gutsy performance was headlined by efforts from running back Brian Robinson Jr. (27.9 points), who seemed determined to win the battle of the B. Robinson’s, and flex play Nico Collins (24.1 points).

But in a matchup between teams of this caliber, it only takes one poor performance to crush a team’s chances of success, and in the end Deshaun Watson’s 11.6 points just weren’t enough to get the job done for Nehikhuere. 

In addressing the Platooner, Nehikhuere praised his short handed team’s tenacity while keeping the bigger picture of the season in perspective: 

“I’m definitely encouraged - with two of our top guys out in Aaron Jones and Cooper Kupp, we’re still putting up numbers. We just gotta be in the mix for now, once we’re fully healthy we’re gonna be dangerous.” Nehikhuere said. 

With Jones potentially back in the mix this week, Nehikhuere turns his attention to Coby Evers and his high powered Cobra FC club, while Clines will look to improve to 3-0 by beating Andrew Forey and Team Forey.