Aaron Jones Is Who? Cantway and Win-ter is coming freeze a strong team in their tracks.

Flying into First: Kings of the Jungle ground Frosty Flights

In what was a surprisingly close matchup, Frosty Flights was unable to pull off the upset as manager Hunter Tormey continues to struggle to get his icy planes out of the hangar. 

This reporter feels for manager Hunter Tormey but as the saying goes, there’s no such thing as morale victories in this sport we all love. 

After a bounce back week, Joe Burrow was once again stifled despite the Bengals taking a win by a strong Seahawks defense. If Frosty Flights is going to turn this season around it has to start with the club captain and teammate Tee Higgins who posted a paltry 3 points. Kyren Williams continues a strong 2023 campaign and you have to wonder if he’s pointing fingers in the locker room after the lost given he was the highest scorer by 8 points. What will really haunt Tormey as he looks over the game film this week is leaving sophomore Drake London on the bench (17) in lieu of Joshua Palmer (8) who failed to propel the team to victory on Monday Night.

Luckily for FFFC, Jahmyr Gibbs appears to be scheduled to finally get let out of his cage as he’s expected to return from injury while David Montgomery could be headed to the IR and it will be interesting to see how he helps this team moving forward.

Editor in Chief of the Platooner, Hunter Tormey, had a lot of thoughts to offer in response to the loss. “Devastating loss honestly. While I’m pleased to expose Stephen as a Mattress Mack level fraud, I’m afraid losing 75 players to injury might be too much for my club to overcome on a weekly basis. If it’s true that Joe Burrow got engaged shortly before the season, my advice would be to break it off immediately. Turns out a single proposal turned this man into prime Deshone Kizer. And you might think I’d be happy with Drake London’s performance this week, not so. That dopey jump ball merchant decides to break out the one time I don’t play him. Thank God I beat Kenny that one week, that’s all I’ll say.”

Narrowly avoiding the upset, Can you Fields the love tonight takes sole ownership of 1st place as they improve to 5-1 on the season. Although starting QB and namesake, Justin Fields, went down with an injury the rest of the Pride was able to do enough to get the win. An early week performance from the Chiefs D/ST (16) and a cap to the week on Monday from Tony Pollard (14) were what pushed them over the edge to escape a brutal upset.

On that very near upset Clines has this to say, “I was really sweating this one and I know going forward I won’t always be so lucky to play teams so incompetent. This week I’m looking to be down a QB and 4 players have decided it’s time to rest for a week and take this thing called a “bye.” This means I will be starting Tyler Allegier which is not a recipe for winning. With my record I should be fine but hopefully I’m not saying “bye” to the playoffs.”

Some strong words for Tormey’s team that this publication does not condone but he said what he said.

Clines and his Pride will look to stay atop the PPL in a matchup against The Fantasy Football Team who have won 3 straight while Frosty Flights FC draws a tough one against 2nd place Cobra FC.

Sabbath Taken and Rested – Heaven’s Heroes visit Earth to Smack Down 4A-NOT-4E

Rest and relaxation did the heroes and QB, Justin Herbert, well as they went on the road this week and laid a beatdown on 4A-NOT-4E not seen since Saul kicked the Philistines out of Israel. 

Sticking with his lineup despite taking responsibility for not getting enough deals done recently, Stone and his Heroes laid waste to their opponents with some big performances. Tyreek Hill continues to lead this team and delivery consistent huge performances (25.3) alongside a great effort from Herbert (18.6) and Brett Maher (15) raising these boys up and getting them back in the win column. Most notable, Rhamondre Stevenson turned in his 1st great performance of the year for Stone and if that trend continues this could be a scary team. 

When asked about the victory, manager Matthew Ryan Stone had a forward looking view, “We’ve still got problems in this lineup but the team is working hard behind the leadership of Tyreek. He’s the type of player who lifts not just his position group, but the whole team. I’m excited to see how the front office makes this team better around him.”

Maybe more to come from Heaven’s Heroes? We’ll be the first to let you know!

Meanwhile, 4A-NOT-4E failed to put together a complete effort down their roster behind some stellar performances to fall short. 

Manager Andrew Forey was quoted last week saying some around the league might think he got lucky with big games from Kittle and DJ Moore but that those types of performances would “be the norm from here on out” and boy was he wrong.

With Deebo Samuel going out with a shoulder injury, it’s hard not to point fingers directly at George Kittle (0.6) and DJ Moore (7.6) who had terrible games leaving the team with more questions after strong performances from Derrick Henry (18.3), D’Andre Swift (13.8) and Stefon Diggs (15). Kirk Cousins should also catch some of the blame as he couldn’t do much against a weak Bears team failing to crack double digits for the second time this season. 

Assuming some of the strong players continue to perform as they have been it appears this team will be heavily reliant on Booms & Busts from Cousins, Kittle and DJ Moore. When those guys boom, LOOK OUT because this team will put up huge point totals. But, when they bust, mark it in the win column for their opponents. 

Forey seemed sad in his comments and was quick to call his players out, “Pretty disappointed in my guys. I think we partied too hard after our best win last week. Derrick Henry went from my lowest scorer last week to my highest scorer this week. Everyone besides him needs to be professional and step up.”

Things won’t get any easier for Andrew Forey and his namesake team as they are next up to be put on notice by Win-ter is coming while Heaven’s Heroes and Stone will ascend back home and welcome in King’s Landing United looking to halt a downward spiral.

Sludge BOMB: CF Arboc poison the Master Ballers

Some would leave you to believe that a Master Ball never fails at catching a Pokémon and while that may be true it doesn’t seem to have the same effect on fantasy football wins as Keaton Adcock and his team suffer their second straight loss. 

In what will go down as a loss, it really wasn’t a terrible week for Adcock and his lineup. Nobody necessarily stood out in a big way besides Taylor Swift’s Boyfriend (16.9) but almost everyone turned in a decent game. Mahomes, Kamara, Ford, Wilson and McLaurin all managed to get into double digits for the Master Ballers but with a tough matchup Adcock needed near perfection. Unfortunately, Jake Elliot was less than perfect as the Eagles fell to the Jets for the first time in NFL history. 

Keaton was quick to compliment his opponent confessing, “The Cobras struck hard this week at the expense of another L for our team. With BYE weeks starting to hit even harder we are going to hit a Pokemon Center and get the whole team back to full health. We are going for two Vs for victory these next two weeks and going to trade them in together for a VV dub after that.”

Meanwhile, Evers unleashed a fury of Ekans and Arbok’s all over the Master Ballers on his way to posting the highest point total in the PPL for Week 6. This team is on fire and it would seem that Evers’ draft strategy to go heavy receiver in the first few rounds is paying off for him. St-Brown was back in action this weekend (24.2) alongside fellow position players Keenan Allen (18) and CeeDee Lamb (15.2). Now, we knew CeeDee and Amon-Ra we’re going to be studs but what makes this team so good right now is the play of Old-Man Keenan who has stayed healthy for the first time in his career and is averaging 20.7 points per game this season. 

Evers exuded confidence in his response to the Platooner, “To echo my comments from last week, I’m not surprised. My guys are winners and that’s what we’re going to continue to do. I know we’re beat up this next week but we’ll find a way. Cobra FC is here to stay.”

Now, there may be some trouble on the horizon as Cole Kmet’s production is certain to dip with the likelihood of Justin Fields missing time and maybe an even bigger blow is a rib cartilage injury to Lions RB David Montgomery. Without much depth at the RB position, will Evers’ draft strategy come back to bite him in the ass? We will see.

Next week, Evers will look to keep the train rolling against a faltering Frosty Flights FC while Adcock and the Ballers have Galveston Bay Muddy Waters rolling into town for a fun matchup.

Battle of Galveston Bay: Muddy Waters drown King’s Landing in Murky Water

Unlike the battle of Blackwater Bay, King’s Landing was without the heroics of Tyrian Lannister and were sunk at the hand of Sir Samuel Dunegan and his Muddy Waters.

Sir Dunegan sailed his ships right up to the doorstep of King’s Landing and pooped all over Jake Sawyer much to the delight of the rest of the league. Color this reporter shocked but Dak Prescott turned in one of the best fantasy performances of the week (24.9) and was a big part of the reason Muddy Waters was able to get the victory. Alongside Prescott, Breece Hall continued to look like he’s going to keep up some steady numbers (17.8) and Michael Pittman Jr. (15.4) managed a good week despite Gardner Minshew throwing the ball to the Jaguars defense about as much as his own team. 

Sir Dunegan went for the jugular in his comments saying, “I respect Jake’s players. I just don’t respect anyone who claims to have a team of destiny two weeks into the year. But hey, jobs not close to being done of surviving the relaxation battle. My team still needs to improve and work hard.”

Well, things have gone from bad to worse in King’s Landing for manager Jake Sawyer and his team. Although, taking a look at the lineup it wasn’t a terrible week for Sawyer’s team there just weren’t any big scores to coincide with decent performances from the rest of the team. Most notably, Jalen Hurts (19.9) had a respectable game despite falling to the Jets for the first time in franchise history but King’s Landing has come to expect more from the QB averaging 21.5 ppg. Kyle Pitts finally did something relevant (12.8) and surpassed his usual mediocre average, but, again there just wasn’t one big performance to push this team over the edge as they were forced to start DJ Chark Jr in the flex and, well, that is tough.

With Justin Jefferson and James Connor sidelined for the foreseeable future, someone else is going to have to step up for this team. And if not, I think it’s safe to say the PPL appreciates the free wins Sawyer is doling out right now.

Mr. Sawyer seems ready to shake things up, “That’s 3 losses in a row and honestly as a manager I’m put into a very difficult situation. Over the next few weeks we’re going to need to play the market and waivers very, and I mean VERY strategically. Gotta say I’m just very disappointed and nervous over the next few weeks. We’ll need to pull out 1 or 2 dubs but that’ll be challenging. Grats to Sam on a lucky win.”

King’s Landing United will vacate the capital for a dangerous trip up to Heaven where they likely will not be welcomed by Heaven’s Heroes and Matt Stone while Sam Dunegan and his Muddy Waters squad look to hand Master Ballers their third straight loss.

Ballcock Broken: Flush Factory United is the latest victim of The Fantasy Football Team

Kenny Turney and Flush Factory United fail to get their tank in order and are left trying to flush an empty toilet as they fall to 1-5.

Similar to some other matchups, this was another close won that saw two managers in need of wins fighting hard to get one. Adam Thielen continues to deny father time his due (23) posting another huge game even though the Panthers are actually horrendous and Kenneth Walker III (16.4) looks to be a sure thing as he turned in another good week. Josh Allen looks to still be a bit uncomfortable with his new team as he failed to put up big numbers again this week and Turner will need his QB to be better if he hopes to turn things around from 1-5.

When asked to comment, Turner had this to say, “There are few thinks you can count on in life – death, taxes, me losing my fantasy matchup each week and me playing the wrong Colts RB. I have started my training for the punishment that feels inevitable at this point. As for the team, they either really want to see my suffer, or they truly want to score just enough to give me hope. I expect a big game coming from Dicker next week to make up for crushing my hopes and dreams this week.”

Well, this reporter did some math, and even if Turner had started Zack Moss over Jonathan Taylor as he mentioned in his comments to the Platooner he actually would have suffered a 0.02 point loss and let me tell you that may have been the more difficult loss to recover from. (AJ)

Meanwhile, rookie manager MacKenzie J. Magner has fans of his team wondering is this real? Or is this just The Fantasy Football Team ripping off their 3rd win in a row to get back to .500? Well, it’s both.

Things looked scary as Christian McCaffery, The Fantasy Football Team’s best player, went out with an injury after a quick start. However, the team recovered with a tremendous performance from Tua Tugavodjsapsi (22.48) and respectable showings from the starting WR group as Chris Olave (13.1) and Jaylen Waddle (14.6) resulting in a third straight victory.

What has haunted Magner all season almost came back to bite him in the ass as he left Jakobi Meyers and his 14.6 points in a revenge game on the bench for Gabe Davis who, while solid, failed to put up his regular numbers. Luckily the team did enough to hide that managerial mistake.

Magner commented on that very topic stating, “One of these days I’ll get the most optimal lineup in there. It might not be anytime soon, but eventually I’ll have to get lucky right? Either way we’re happy about a 3rd straight victory and we’re turning things around looking to make some waves.”

Looking ahead to next week The Fantasy Football Team will look to make it 4 straight but draws a tough matchup against 1st place Can you Fields the love tonight while Turner and the Flush Factory take on Who is Aaron Jones.

Editor’s Note: To all the faithful readers, we thank you. Without you, the Platooner would not be possible.