One Pump Chumps?: Dunegan’s D Fails to Outlast Her Bert, Clines

No Allen? No Problem!: Nehikhuere Pops Locks and Drops An L on Cantway, Sevin Dingleterry

If there’s one thing that any Poople managers love, it’s a fully available lineup of high level players at their disposal. But unfortunately, as injuries begin to mount and bye season rears its head, that can be increasingly difficult to obtain. The question then becomes: how do you adjust? Your ability to answer that question will often define your Poople season for better or for worse. 

During this week 7 tilt, Pop Lockett Drop It manager Tosa Nehikhuere experienced this first hand, as star QB Josh Allen (QB1 this season) and dynamic running back Miles Sanders (13.7 ppg this season) both went on bye. Yet through grit, determination, and a next man up mentality, Nehikhuere was able to collect a week 7 win. The gaffer had this to say about his team’s achievement: 

“It was much needed validation for our squad. We might not be first, but if you’re not first your last. Therefore, we have a 9-way tie for second meaning that we are definitely in the mix. Let’s ride.” 

While Nehikhuere’s logic seems airtight, the fact is the opponents Mitchell Cantway and Sevin Dingleterry are now in fact tied for last place in the league, a truly unenviable designation. Cantway’s squad, also plagued by four critical players on bye this week, just couldn’t get the job done in the end as backups Chase Edmonds (1.7 points) and Devin Duvernay (5.2 points) struggled in the spotlight. 

When asked if he regretted making the most controversial trade of the season with the likes of Mixon a Kupp of Mostert manager Jake Sawyer, Cantway simply responded: “never ragrits.” 

However, perhaps Cantway’s most interesting take came in the form of an unsolicited comment on the Baker Mayfield debate currently ravaging the league:

“baker mayfield will be on an nfl roster in the year 2025” said Cantway. 

Well there you have it folks, the question of the year! To answer it, all you really need to do is ask yourself one question, “Am I #TeamBaker” or #TeamFaker?”

It’s Lonely At The Top: Three Eyed Ravens Pick Comedy Show Ekelers Apart, Clinch Playoff Spot

A madman. A short king. A lightweight. Coby Evers has been called all these things at various times by many in his life, even some within the confines of this honorable league. Yet there is only one title Evers has his eyes on as his Three Eyed Ravens improved to a league best 6-1 on the season: Champion. 

The diminutive manager claimed an impressive victory over the likes of Kenny Turner and his Comedy Show Ekelers in week 7, outpacing his golden headed foe by 53 points in the matchup. Spurred on by season best performances from signal caller Joe Burrow (39.24 points) and his star wide receiver Jamarr Chase (29 points) the prospect of Evers putting up over 143 points with the best fantasy receiver in football (Stefan Diggs, 21 ppg this season) on bye is a scary one. 

“I’m not surprised at all. Even in the midst of some injuries my team remains strong and in the lead of the pack. We just have to keep consistent to reach our goal which is a championship. Horses have blinders on for a reason. We just have to keep our eyes focused in front of us and not worry about what’s happening around us in the league.” Evers said of his team’s performance. 

In addition, according to the ESPN fantasy app, Evers became the first team to secure a playoff berth in an otherwise dastardly tight race to the top 6. 

Meanwhile for Turner, the problem in week 7 was not only what Evers did right from a fantasy standpoint, but what he did wrong. While star running back Austin Ekeler (30.7 fantasy points) answered the bell for Turner, tried and true veterans Amon-Ra St. Brown (0.9 points) and Mark Andrew’s (0.4 points) sold on Turner, while running back James Robinson ended up being a healthy scratch due to his trade to the New York Jets. 

Turner had this to say about his week 7 gaffes, while making sure to put a positive spin on the matchup going forward:

“Definitely not what we were looking for in terms of the result, and tough to lose a player in the first 4 plays of the game. But this loss comes down to coaching, and I did not show up this week. I left 60 points on the bench and those managerial decisions fall on me. I have no one to blame but myself. How do I pick myself up? Well it starts by winning every day before my week 8 matchup. I am gonna research and go to work and by the end of the week, we will be better for it. In the words of the great SpongeBob SquarePants “IM READY IM READY IM READY!” For week 8.” 

Turner draws a potentially more favorable matchup in week 8, colliding with Mitch Cantway’s Sevin Dingleterry squad in a pivotal showdown.

Chicken Alfre-Dub: Tormey Leads Olave Garden Back to Win Column as Adcock Drops Third Straight

It ain’t over till it’s over. Such is the battle cry of every underdog imaginable, from Rocky Balboa, to Peter La Fleur of Average Joe’s dodgeball, and now to Olave Garden manager Hunter Tormey, who captured his first win since Poople’s inaugural week of the season with a victory over Keaton Adcock and Keeping Up with the Jones. 

Overcome with emotion as Raiders running back Josh Jacobs barreled into the end zone for the third time in his matchup on route to a 35 point performance, the sweet scent of victory began to linger in the air for our editor in chief. 

Tormey commented at length about his team’s struggles this season, and what a character defining win this could be going forward: 

“Casual managers simply won’t understand the significance of this win. But the fans at home know. They know we are a significantly better club than our record reflects, and I’m buzzing to have proven that today. For a moment I began to doubt, to doubt whether or not I really am the best manager in this league. But I’m sure of that now, and will never again doubt my managerial capacity or the boys I go to battle with every week. Much like my beloved Toffees win against Crystal Palace last season to stave off relegation, a largely forgettable season has forged a moment of true brilliance.” 

On the other side of the win column in this matchup, Keeping Up With the Jones manager Keaton Adcock suggested an unconventional approach to deal with the recent struggles of his lineup:

“We have a team retreat starting tonight. I think what we need is time to regroup and bond this team together. Every time I see this group of men, I feel confident in their capabilities. We just haven’t been in sync together firing on all cylinders at once. I think by us doing some trust falls, balance beams, campfire songs, and pillow fights we can bring the heart back into this team that will pound fresh blood through the veins and opponents into the ground.” 

When asked about Adcock’s tactics, his players provided glowing responses. “The pillow fight was really a great idea by Keaton. We’ve all been working so hard to try and put together solid performances, that it was nice to just take a minute to be a silly goose with my teammates, you know?” Chargers receiver Mike Williams (18.1 points this week) said. 

As far as pounding opponents into the ground, Adcock faces a tough task in that regard as his unit draws a matchup with the red hot Three Eyed Ravens in week 8.

Justice For Matt: Unlikely Hero Eno Benjamin Sinks Sawyer, Claims Vindication for Stone



Stop right now and picture a cause you believe in. Maybe it’s volunteering. Maybe it’s doing your civic duty at the ballot box. Maybe it’s just going to work and letting the light of Christ shine through you to others around you. Or maybe it’s Justice For Matt. 

The final of these worthy causes came to fruition in a week 7 matchup between playoff hopefuls Let’s Get Some Doubs and Mixon a Kupp of Mostert, as the former narrowly defeated the latter behind an improbable performance from backup running back Eno Benjamin. 

The former Arizona State Sun Devil racked up 21 fantasy points, and led the way to a Stone victory while Antonio Gibson (10.5ppg this season) found himself relegated to the bench, a move that proved to win Stone the matchup. 

When asked whether he thought this victory truly achieved #JusticeForMatt, Stone responded as follows: 

“Absolutely. I’m only sorry the players had to pay for the manager’s misdeeds. Three mid game injuries is hard, but I guess if you’re lacking scruples in one area (integrity), then you’re probably lacking in another (player safety).”

Stone’s comments on Sawyer’s roster hold up, as a contagious injury bug plagued the Mixon a Kupp of Mostert lineup all day. The so called Colossus of Collusion saw running back Breece Hall, and wide receivers Allen Lazard and DK Metcalf forced out of action prematurely due a variety of ailments, while star quarterback Patrick Mahomes sat most of the fourth quarter in a Chiefs blowout win. 

Sawyer commented on these struggles and more when questioned by Platooner sources: 

“Sad case of my opponent getting lucky. I know he’ll provide a response as if he was good but he won by 4 points when Breece hall tore his ACL, DK left in 1st quarter, and Lazard left game early with injury as well. Not to mention chiefs took Mahomey out in the 4th quarter. The Lord our God willed me to lose this game and I have to accept that. Even though my opponent is Garbo and still won’t make playoffs lululul.” 

While Sawyer’s analysis of his own team might be spot on, the analytics disagree with his assessment of Stone’s playoff outlook, as the ESPN app currently projects Stone to make the playoffs easily with his 95% chance signifying the second best odds in the league.