Very Mad or Very Bad?: Tormey Doubles Win Streak as Dunegan Fumes Over High Profile Trade

Cooper Scooper: Browns Wideout Shines for Clines, as Mixon Leaves Sawyer Up Shit’s Creek



Moving on. Burning the tapes. Flushing the haters down the toilet. All of these expressions mean the same thing at the end of the day: they’re a recognition that sometimes it’s best to just forget past performances and move on to future battles. Unfortunately for Mixon a Kupp of Mostert manager Jake Sawyer, his team’s week 8 performance will go down as one to flush. 

Sawyer’s unit entered Monday Night Football neck and neck with lanky competitor Stephen Clines and his It’s Okay I’m Just In Her Bert group, but in the end Browns wide receiver Amari Cooper (19.6 points) significantly outpaced Bengals running back Joe Mixon (9.4 points) to claim victory for Clines. Reflecting on his team’s week 8 performance, Sawyer stated: 

“Very disappointed in the way my guys played this week. We just gotta do better. How do Mixon and Fournette account for a combined 50 yards? We’ll have to have a retreat or calming circle like the AdCOCK squad had to boost my teams spirit. Mr. Clines is one of the few managers that has beaten me not because of a fluke though so I respect him and his players. Playoff hunt begins now.” 

While Sawyer’s loss didn’t deal serious damage to his playoff hopes, his odds did see a 10% dip from last week. He’ll look to rebound against Sam Dunegan and Very Mad next week. 

Meanwhile Clines’ victory marks his third consecutive trip to the win column, a figure which represents the longest active win streak in the league. Aside from Cooper, Mike Evans (15.3 points) came to play this week, and backup QB Kirk Cousins tallied a team high 23.48 points in the win. 

“Need my boys to keep grinding. We’re a scrappy team full of underdogs but with some determination and grit I think we can go all the way.” Clines remarked. 

Critics of Clines team may point out that his roster has put forth the third fewest points for this season, but with a 5-3 record and an 84% chance to make the playoffs, Clines appears unbothered by the heckling. This level headed approach should serve Clines well as he shifts his focus to fellow playoff hopeful Pop Lockett Drop It in week 9.

Ravens Clawed: Evers and Co. Mauled By McCaffrey, Moore After Haunting Burrowween



Do you believe in jinxs? While most Poople managers would hardly say that a tough stretch of play causes them to “see ghosts” like Sam Darnold, it’s hard to deny when your actions as a manager seem to place some sort of hex on your players, causing them to fail to live up to expectations. For Three Eyed Ravens manager Coby Evers, such was the unfortunate case in a week 8 clash against the likes of Keaton Adcock and Keeping Up With the Jones. 

For Evers, reserve players Chase Claypool (10.54 points) and Tyler Allgeier (16 points) filled in very capably for the injured Jamarr Chase and Clyde Edwards Helaire, who had a bye this week. In fact, Evers’ 121.82 total points on the week would have bested half the league, but in the end he came up short (no pun intended) against his PlatoonerBets intern Adcock. 

Evers could not be reached for comment by Platooner sources in the aftermath of his defeat, the loss clearly taking an emotional toll on him as his team has gone a pedestrian 2-2 over the past month after starting the fantasy season 4-0. So despondent was Evers that Platooner sources say his own players had to foil an attempt by Evers to expose himself graphically to Adcock when he clocked in for work at PlatoonerBets:

“I went looking for Coby to see what sort of training he had planned for us today, but he wasn’t in his office as usual. I figured since he just got hired over at PlatoonerBets, he might be over there working, and so I took Rhamondre and went to go find him. When we opened the door Coby was fully naked on his desk, his meat unencumbered and free hanging. I can only assume it was meant for his intern.” says tight end Kyle Pitts. 

For Adcock, the win comes at a crucial time, keeping his playoff hopes alive by defeating the top team in the league in a stunning upset. Running back Christian McCaffrey found his footing with the 49ers, tallying 3 total touchdowns and 36.26 fantasy points while receiver Rondale Moore went for 19.9 points, more than double his previous best effort on the season. 

There can be little doubt that a big part of Adcock’s eyebrow raising win is due to the team building retreat he led players on last weekend. When asked to assess this weeks matchup, the crowd pleasing Adcock responded as only he can: 

“We are proud to have snuck away with a win against such a formidable foe. I am curious to know what our Executive Chairman of Platooner Bets would have placed on those odds. Some spooky sauciness went down in that Monday night game, and not even Stella and Coby’s stellar tiger costumes could overcome Burroween’s Brown’s curse as he got buried alive. Hoping to build off this momentum and keep things rolling again next week!”

In order to “keep things rolling” next week, Adcock will have to be at his best against the likes of Mitchell Cantway and Sevin Dingleterry, an in form unit hungry for a victory.

Lets Get Some L’s?: Henry, Hopkins Put League on Notice as Pop Lockett Drop It Smokes Stone Pack



Poople Nation, he’s baaaaaaaaaack. After serving a six game suspension to begin the fantasy campaign, Cardinals pass catcher Deandre Hopkins made his presence felt in a big way in week 8, totaling 27.9 fantasy points and propelling Tosa Nehikhuere and his Pop Lockett Drop It squad to success against the wily veteran Matt Stone and his Lets Get Some Doubs troop. 

While Hopkins spent the day terrorizing Stone’s lineup with big play after big play, the true horror didn’t come until running back Derrick Henry steamrolled Hopkins’ former team, the Houston Texans, to the tune of 35.3 fantasy points. Perhaps most impressively, Nehikhuere’s offensive tirade came without the services of star tight end Travis Kelce, and a poor performance from QB Josh Allen, at least by his lofty standards, (17.62 points). 

Nehikhuere quoted the great Joel Embiid when asked about the fundamentals he’s been preaching to his unit all season that led them to success in week 8: 

“Trust the process. That’s been our mantra from day 1, and it’s what’s gonna carry us to glory. Lockett Country let’s ride.” 

On the other hand, you could possibly chalk up Stone’s loss to a poor performance from his team, but that may not be entirely fair, a point which Stone commented on when interviewed by the Platooner: 

“You know, it was a tough week. We got a huge win in a trade and got the best RB this week, which might I add, was a surprise to me. I was hoping for one touchdown and he kept delivering. But really, the issue was the rest of the league played great. Last week, my score would’ve beat 6 players. In week 6, my score would’ve been second highest. This week, it’s lowest in the league. Just a dash of bad luck. And speaking of bad luck, I’ve got 5 players on bye this week, including all 3 of my starting RBs from week 8. So we’re not out of the woods yet.” 

Upon further analysis of the league, Stone’s comments ring true, as for the first time in recorded league history all 10 managers posted triple figure score lines, a true testament to the dedication and tenacity of Poople’s elite crop of managers. 

Though Stone may have lost the battle, he hopes to win the war in the end, and his newest soldier Tony Pollard contributed big time to that goal in week 8, posting a whopping 33.2 fantasy points despite the loss. Stone and company will hope to see more of the same from the hard charging running back on the other side of a week 9 bye. Meanwhile, looking to take advantage of Stone’s week 9 running back woes is Poople’s Social Media Savant, Kenny Turner.

Flexin on the Gram: Newly Minted Social Media Savant Ratios Cantway Thanks To Former Longhorn

The year is 2016, and you’re clad in burnt orange at DKR Memorial Stadium. The sweet smell of distant barbecues wafts through the picturesque Texas sunset while Old Smoky thunders with joy as the Longhorns punch the ball across the goal line for a touchdown. The ball carrier? Well it is very likely to be 2016 Doak Walker award winner D’onta Foreman, a criminally underrated runner in the long lore of Texas football history. 

Fast forward to week 8 of the 2022 Poople campaign, and this same criminally underrated back is once again bringing joy to the heart of at least one Longhorn, his fantasy owner Kenny Turner. Without the services of number 2 overall pick Austin Ekeler, Turner was forced to rely on two unproven backs against a very focused Sevin Dingleterry team. Brian Robinson (2 points) disappointed. D’onta Foreman (31.8 fantasy points) didn’t. 

Inspired by Foreman’s heroics, fellow Panther DJ Moore posted his best game of the season, a 24.5 point effort that strongly suggests that Moore and company do not miss the services of Baker Mayfield. 

Thankful to pick up a close win over a good team, Turner had this to say about his week 8 performance: 

“Wow! What a close fought battle, Tee Higgins really had my heart pumping in that Halloween fourth quarter! I’d like to thank the front office for making a move late last week that really put our team in a position to win. With the trade deadline looming, it’s nice to see that the front office sees what we see and is ready for a championship! Can’t give enough praise to DJ Moore and D’onta Foreman on some monster performances. On to the doubs, who will give us their best shot after a tough loss.” 

On the other hand, Sevin Dingleterry manager Mitch Cantway was left asking for answers after posting over 128 points, in what turned out to be a losing effort. While Cantway declined to follow up with questions from Platooner sources, Cantway’s players painted a chaotic picture of the postgame locker room scenes. 

“We came into the locker room pretty bummed about the loss, but noticed that Mitchell was just smiling in the center of the room. But not like a happy smile, like a creepy smile, the type that makes you feel like something bad is about it happen. He looked AJ Brown dead in the eyes and said “You’re next!” in like a deep freaky voice. We were all getting pretty nervous as he began to approach AJ, but we very relieved when Mitch said, “Next in line to get some Halloween candy that is! Kit Kat?” wide receiver Tee Higgins reported. 

Whatever is going on in the Sevin Dingleterry locker room, be it Halloween haunts or a mere exchange of sweet treats, Cantway’s team is going to have to bring their hard hats to work next week against Keeping Up with Jones, with both teams desperate to keep their fantasy playoff hopes alive.