Platooner'22: Week 4 Recap
Doubs on Doubs: #SpankingsforDeebo Works to Perfection as Stone Solidifies Second Plac
In this culturally sensitive era we live in, opinions on spanking have changed drastically over the years. It’s possible that many Poople managers grew up in households where spanking was a legitimate form of discipline, though many parents are opting for alternative forms of punishment for childhood malfeasance. One thing that the science does support however is that spanking is very effective at adjusting attitudes and altering performance.
This might explain Deebo Samuel’s signature performance of the year so far, a 20.7 point explosion that coupled with a huge 22 points from the 49ers defense allowed Let’s Get Some Doubs Manager Matt Stone to improve to 3-1 on the season with a victory over former revolutionary and Sevin Dingleterry manager Mitchell Cantway. For Cantway, 22.9 points from running back Dameon Pierce and 21.9 points from receiver Tee Higgins proved too little, as he sinks to 1-3 on the campaign.
When confronted on his questionable history with the #JusticeForMatt movement, Cantway had this to say:
“I intentionally threw the game to continue to demonstrate my commitment to the #JusticeForMatt movement. I’m honestly surprised that no one called out Coby for beating Matt and thereby showing his lack of commitment to justice and abject moral depravity.”
The door at least seems open for a reconciliation between Stone and the Sri Lanka international Cantway, but as always only time will tell if the relationship can be mended.
On the other hand, in victory, Stone kept his attention on his long term goals, and had this to say about the future of his club as he sees it:
“The ceiling and the goal are the same for this team. We’re looking at that two week championship match up. No reason to aim for anything lower. We put together a pretty good week, put up the second highest points in week 4. I’m feeling good about where we’re sitting going into the next week. If we can pull out a win against Sam’s D, I’ll come home a very satisfied manager.”
Stone will look to continue his winning ways and satisfy himself even more against Dunegan’s dynamic D in a week five clash that will no doubt prove who was the superior Ignite director.
Jonesing For a Win: Elite Teamwork and Balanced Attack the Key for Adcock’s Week 4 Win over Tosa
Balance is everything in life. Poople managers know that being able to manage the good things with the bad can go a long way in terms of creating a healthy and sustainable lifestyle and fantasy team. Keeping Up With the Jones manager Keaton Adcock took this valuable message to heart in Week 4, bringing balance to the force and defeating adversary Tosa Nehikhuere of Pop Lockett Drop It with seven starters scoring 12.3 fantasy points or more.
On the heels of a very well rounded win, Adcock spoke with Platooner sources about his hopes and dreams, as well as his expectations for the remainder of the fantasy season.
“I certainly believe a championship season is realistic. The league is full of talented Poople, so we may still lose some battles along the way. Standard season, I’d like us to finish out 7-4, but more importantly want us to be holding a trophy after the playoffs.”
Led by quarterback Kyler Murray and running back Christian McCaffrey, Adcock will do battle with the likes of Kenny Turner and the Comedy Show Ekelers in week 5.
On the flipside, Pop Lockett Drop It continued as 3 game slide, falling to 1-3 on the season. With running back Derrick Henry firmly on track (22.2 fantasy points) and quarterback Josh Allen cooking (23.52 points), it’s been difficult to analyze Nehikhuere’s early season struggles. He’ll certainly hope for improvement going forward, saying this about the immediate future of his team:
“I’m looking to eat a W. It’s now or never. Comeback szn.”
Pop Lockett Drop It will look to begin their comeback run against Olive Garden manager Hunter Tormey in week 5. He’ll likely be successful.
Clutch McGee: Sawyer Enjoys Big Day from Hockensen, Claims Victory Over Tormey
Poople managers rely on many different skills and abilities to win games in this cutthroat league. Some use their superior tactical abilities. Others use strong disciplinary practices to compel players to simply be better. But for 1 Gay 1 Kupp manager Jake Sawyer, he simply relies on being clutch.
Perhaps the clutchest play of the fantasy week came in the form of Sawyer starting Lions tight end TJ Hockensen, who put up an eye popping 35.9 fantasy points against the Seahawks defense. Hockensen’s heroics were only part of the story for Sawyer though, as his team went on to put up a truly absurd 151.76 fantasy points on the week setting a new benchmark for most points scored this season.
“Turns out it wasn’t even close”, Sawyer stated after his second win of the season, one that comes at the expense of longtime rival and Olave Garden manager Hunter Tormey.
Tormey, off to a historically unlucky start, noted potential divine intervention as both the reason for his slow start to the fantasy season, and inspiration for his team’s name change.
“I truly think God did not want me to win this week, that’s the only possible explanation for that type of result. Jake has never scored that many points in his life, and never will again. The only thing I can think of to explain my awful start is that the name “Griddy Gods” is bringing some bad energy to my club. So I want to publicly announce now that there is but one God, and his name is certainly not Justin Jefferson or Hunter Tormey.”
Tormey and his newly named Olave Garden squad will look to bake up a nice win next week against Pop Lockett Drop It, who also sit at 1-3 on the season.
Laughingstock of the Week: Comedy Show Ekelers Railed by Tyreek Hill, Give Em That Bill D/ST
One reason people historically love comedy shows is that it distracts us from reality for a moment. We’re allowed to leave our stress and problems at the door, and simply laugh at funny people doing and saying funny things. What a concept! Yet perhaps Comedy Show Ekelers manager Kenny Turner should’ve been a little more in tune with reality in week 4, as his team mustered only 88.06 fantasy points against Give Em That Bills D/ST manager Sam Dunegan.
On the bright side, second overall pick Austin Ekeler got going in a big way on Sunday, tallying 31.9 fantasy points, easily his best performance of the season. Turner acknowledged Ekeler’s strong performance, though it seems he failed to take notes from Olave Garden gaffer Tormey in leaving spiritual references alone in a fantasy football context:
“Well any week you are missing our lord and savior Amon Ra to an injury, it’s gonna be tough to put up points. Injury and being on bad teams has really affected our team. Hoping to get healthier and better by next week. I did want to also show some love to Ekeler, who finally performed up to his draft position last week. Hoping to see more of that as well.”
Meanwhile, Dunegan earned his second win of the season thanks to the efforts of receivers Tyreek Hill (20.9 points) and CeeDee Lamb (18.7 points). However, the reigning champion was equal parts pleased with the victory and concerned for his star player after the win:
“I think it’s like 40 my team showing up and 60 bad injury luck for Kenny. But man Hill does love to ball out in support of concussed boys. But the biggest question for me is what happened to Jonathan Taylor…”
With Taylor already listed as Out for the week, reserve running back Travis Etienne is slated to make his first start for Dunegan since week 1. Will he step up in his new role when Dunegan needs him most?
Quoth the Raven, Nevermore: Evers Stays Unbeaten Behind Strong Running Back Play
On January 29, 1845 American poet Edgar Allen Poe penned one of the most famous pieces of American literature in history, The Raven. In this gripping piece of art, Poe mourns the fact that we can never truly hang on to what we have or who we love in this world. Yet for Three Eyed Ravens manager Coby Evers, holding onto an unbeaten streak to start the fantasy football season is exactly what he’s continued to do.
Evers impressed many doubters around the league in week 4, defeating Its Okay In Just In Her Bert manager Stephen Clines for his fourth win in four to begin the Poople 8.0 campaign.
Running backs Saquon Barkley (17.2 points) and Clyde Edwards Helaire (21.9 points) showed up big time for Evers, whose running back group received a lot of scrutiny in the offseason.
Shockingly, Evers could not be reached for comment on his week 4 win by Platooner sources, but the wily veteran manager was quick to take a shot at his week 5 opponent, 1 Gay 1 Kupp manager Jake Sawyer when provoked.
“Yeah Jake it’s insane that I get lucky but I have the highest PF. But that’s all I’ll say and let my team kicking your ass this week do the rest of the talking.”
Taking the loss this week was Clines, a manager dealing with some difficult injury issues early in the season. Speaking on his need to get healthy as a team, Clines also strongly hinted at openness to a potential trade centered around a quality running back;
“I need swift back so bad. I’m putting it out there that I’m in desperate need of a running back, however let it be known I will lose the rest of my games before I get trade robbed.”
You truly have to respect the honor in that statement, any Poople manager worth their salt would rather go 0-11 in the regular season than get fleeced in a trade. But the question is, will the deal oriented Clines be able to pull off a swap?
Copyright Pigskin Premier League 2021