Laughing to the Bank: Comedy Show Ekelers Cash In on Big Days from Hurts, Ekeler, But is Adcock the Real Winner?

Where’s the D?: Lets Get Some Doubs Continues to Roll While Dunegan Blames Texas-OU Hangover

It doesn’t take long for skillful fantasy managers to come up with any number of excuses for not winning a weekly matchup. Injuries, random players scoring a stupid number of points, and bye week issues are all reasonable explanations as to why a team fell short of reaching fantasy glory. However, after losing to Let’s Get Some Doubs in week 5, Give em that Bills D(ST) manager Sam Dunegan proposed a truly unprecedented explanation for his team’s failures. 

“The TXOU hangover was apparent in our team. Shout out to my second string who played well and definitely made strong cases to be on the field next week. We just gotta keep grinding and pushing. All it takes is one diamond from the waiver wire to push us over the edge.” 

Dunegan, true to his word, has been active on the waiver wire since making these comments to Platooner sources, adding the Packers defense, while dropping former lineup stalwarts Aaron Rodgers and Brandin Cooks. 

On the flipside, Lets Get Some Doubs boss Matt Stone praised his team’s consistency over the past few games, while keeping his focus on the opponent in front of him in week 6: 

“Thankful for the great match up, glory to God for the Doub! I’m excited that the boys have brought it over 130 for the second week in a row. I’m looking forward to a quality match up against the boys under Steve-o. Eyes on the prize baby!” 

Stone will no doubt be glad to deploy Davante Adams (25.9 fantasy points) in week 6 as he did in week 5, but the all-world receivers future remains in doubt with the possibility of a suspension looming after Adams shoved a credentialed member of the media to the ground after a frustrating loss at the hands at the Kansas City Chiefs. It will be up to Stone to improvise, adapt, and overcome, particularly as the bye week season casts itself over Poople.

Pop Lockett Win It: Nehikhuere Gets Back to Winning Ways in Week 5 Behind Four 25 points Scorers

Sometimes in Poople, it’s just simply about getting hot at the right time. And if getting hot is the standard, Pop Lockett Drop It manager Tosa Nehikhuere’s troops put forth an absolutely sizzling performance in week 5. 

Backed by big performances from QB Josh Allen (35.16 points), Travis Kelce (30 points), Derrick Henry (26.2 points), and Tyler Lockett (24.9 points), Nehikhuere went on to capture an elusive victory in week 5, his first since the season opener nearly a month ago. His 141.86 fantasy points ranked highest in the league this week. 

Like his Give em That Bills D(ST) counterpart, Nehikhuere referenced his beloved Longhorns in his post game commentary on the heels of their utter drubbing of pathetic rival OU: 

“Just like Texas football, it feels good to be back. Let’s ride. All gas no brakes.”

For Olave Garden manager Hunter Tormey, this season has looked a lot more like no gas, all brakes, as his team limps into week 6 with a league worst 1-4 record. In Pop Lockett Drop It, Tormey’s squad faced the team that scored the most points in the league for the second consecutive week this season. 

Tormey seemed exasperated when asked about his team’s performance: 

“I don’t know what the answer is at this point. I have elite players at every position other than QB, and arguably the deepest team in the league. But I guess I’ve become the Chicago Bulls in the Jordan years for this league, getting everyone’s best game of the season every time our squad laces em up. Don’t get it twisted though bruv, we’ll be holding the trophy at the end of the season.” 

Tormey and company have a long way to go to make that happen, but if there is any justice whatsoever in the fantasy football world, he should return to victory soon. 

Dingle Bell Rock: Cantway, Sevin Dingleterry Cruise as Clines Lineup Goes Soft in Her Bert

Many things are life are meant to be soft. Pillows. Blankies. Your favorite hoodie. But one thing that is absolutely not meant to be soft in the world of Poople is your lineup. Unfortunately, that happened to be the case for Its Okay I’m Just in Her Bert manager Stephen Clines, whose unit put forth an absolutely flaccid performance in week 5. 

Scoring a league low 50.12 fantasy points, Clines looked on his players up and down his lineup absolutely sold. Banking on the hope of a brighter future, Clines seems to be ready to put week 5 behind him and move forward. 

“It’s times like these where a weaker man might throw in the towel, but I am not one of those men. I’m not going to sugarcoat how bad I did. It was awful, and I’m always a little embarrassed after L’s like this. But I believe my team is right on the cusp of something great, we just need to put it together.” 

Meanwhile, Sevin Dingleterry manager Mitchell Cantway pulled off a surprising week 5 win, despite having multiple starting players score 0 points on the week (Tee Higgins, Darren Waller). An impressive performance from Dalvin Cook (25.1 points) and Justin Tucker (16 points) kept Cantway afloat, though the savvy manager admitted his teams issues when asked about the matchup: 

“it’s like Lizzo told me, truth hurts (which coincidentally would be an incredible name for Kenny’s fantasy team). Considering the with the points I scored, I would’ve lost to basically every other team in the league, I can say with a fair degree of certainty that I am, in fact, bad.” 

Cantway will look to stay in the win column against Mixon a Kupp of Mostert in week 6, with the hopes of improved performance from his club. 

First Time for Everything: Evers Suffers First Loss of Poople Campaign at the Hands of Sawyer

Unbeaten no more! Three Eyed Ravens manager Coby Evers’ impressive run throughout Poople came to an end in week 5 as his team suffered its first loss of the season. Evers, who spent most of the critical Sunday evening under the influence of several whiskey maple smashes, seemed more keen on defending the likes of Panthers QB Baker Mayfield than the performance of his team, sparking a debate that would divide Poople managers for the better part of a few days. 

Nevertheless, Evers commented at length on his team’s failure to make it a five out of five start to the season: 

“Even the greats have to learn from their mistakes. I knew it was coming but that said, it won’t happen again any time soon. We’re still number 1 and will continue to be that all year long until we’re holding up the trophy. Anything else is a failure for us. While we’re other people’s super bowl in regular season games.” 

The victor of this week 5 bout, Mixon a Kupp of Mostert manager Jake Sawyer delivered a very interesting analysis of both his adversary’s shortcomings and his own successes in the must-see matchup between the two clubs: 

“I’m not surprised. No one should be surprised. I said from the beginning that I would beat him… this so called “villain” of the league was just a side quest all along. He’s done being lucky. I did this for the good of the broader Poople organization. The last thing I’ll say about my opponent is that his skill is very similar to that of panthers QB Baker Mayfield. Ha!

A great performance from players though. Lenny and Mahomey really stepped up this week in place of my apparent absentee Lions players. Looking forward to the next few weeks when I play more capable and threatening opponents!” 

The aforementioned Mahomes (30.48 fantasy points) and Fournette (30.9 points) carried the load for Sawyer’s squad in week 5, accounting for nearly half of his total points on the week. After improving to 3-0 after a heavily scrutinized trade with Sevin Dingleterry, Sawyer will no doubt somehow sleep peacefully at night heading into a week 6 matchup with his former trade partner Cantway.