Three Eyed Ravens: The Players Behind the Stunning Worst to First Turnaround

Lets Get Some Doubs: A Story of Spankings and Rankings



Among the more consistent fantasy managers this Poople campaign, Let’s Get Some Doubs frontman Matt Stone enters week 10 nipping at the heels of the league leading Evers. Sparing a few moments after practice to discuss their manager and his unconventional motivation methods were wide receiver Deebo Samuel and quarterback Trevor Lawrence. 

After agreeing to sit down with Platooner sources, Samuel wasted no time in circling back to some startling allegations he made earlier in the season, first reported by the Platooner. 

“Yes it’s true. Like everyone I’ve read the Platooner and I’m here to confirm the allegations I made against Matt. If I don’t hit my projection for the week he slaps my ass cheeks, sometimes with his hands, sometimes with a paddle, the other day he even used a Kit Kat. But here’s the thing, it really bothered me earlier in the season, but I kind of like it now! You can leave that last part out.” Samuel said. 

Meanwhile, rather than focus on Samuel and his kinky exploits, Lawrence turned his attention to the remaining two games of the season. 

“I’ve played in some huge games in my career, including numerous college football playoff games, and prime time NFL games. But man these next two feel like the biggest of my career. I appreciate the faith Matt has placed in me to lead this team. I know most people say he fricked up his draft by letting Mitchell take 3 quarterbacks before he finally got one, but for better or worse that situation has led me to where I am today. All I can do is try to pay off that trust going forward.” 

As Stone looks over his remaining regular season schedule he finds two of the most hungry and desperate teams in the league in Keeping Up With the Jones and Security Kamaras. He’ll need his group whipped into shape (no pun intended) over the final sprint of the regular season to maximize his seeding and potentially claim the highly coveted number 1 overall seed. 

Pop Lockett Drop It: From Owlgate to Team of Fate? 



Perhaps the most forgotten chapter of the #JusticeforMatt saga has been the fact that the whole thing actually started with an owl. Whether the voice that pointed out to Nancy Sawyer that she in fact likes owls was actually the Colossus of Collusion himself matters not to Pop Lockett Drop It manager Tosa Nehikhuere, whose players have rallied around their fearless leader to score the second most points for in the league this season. Tight end Travis Kelce and wideout Jaylen Waddle commented on the ups and downs of their franchise this season. 

“All I can say about Tosa is that man is a genius.” Kelce remarked. “He knew that if I couldn’t be reunited with my real life quarterback, he may as well pair me with the one guy in the league who can come close to what he can do on the football field. Truly a master stroker. Whoops! I meant master stroke. But honestly now that I’m thinking about it…” 

Following up on Kelce’s palpably horny statement, second year pro Waddle had a clear message for those who doubt Pop Lockett Drop It as a serious championship contender. 

“Maaaan, we got the second most points in the whole league? What more they want from us? Anybody whose hatin on us out there can Waddle on this dick!” the Dolphins receiver exclaimed. 

It’s clear that Nehikhuere’s players are absolutely dedicated to performing at their best for their beloved manager. Establishing a winning culture that can also embrace fun is hard to do, but this season’s edition of Pop Lockett Drop It seems to have struck a perfect balance along those lines. With two more games to go in the regular season, Nehikhuere will continue to ensure his guys merge focused performances with light hearted energy, a combination that has served him well through 9 weeks. 

Mixon a Kupp of Mostert: The Polarizing Legacy of Poople’s Most Polarizing Personality



What a season it’s been for Jake Sawyer and Mixon a Kupp of Mostert. Villainized by most after a widely publicized pre-draft scandal, you can feel the disdain in opposing arenas when Sawyer’s squad comes to town. Donating a few moments of their time to talk about the trials and tribulations of playing through scandal were running back Joe Mixon and wide receiver Cooper Kupp. 

“To be honest playing for Jake can be tough at times. Opposing fans really let us have it every time we take the field. Last week for example we played Very Mad. We were up big for most of the game but as I was heading into the tunnel for halftime one of their fans said I look like a poor man’s Kenny Turner and threw a Dixie cup of Boston baked beans at me. The words hurt my feelings, but the beans were delectable, I’ll have to ask Very Mad’s manager where he gets his stadium food. 

Taking a different approach to handling the criticism that comes with playing for Sawyer, Joe Mixon piped up and stated: 

“We’ve heard it all this season. That we’re frauds. That we cheat. That we collude. We know what we’re about here in this locker room and that’s that. Everything else is bullshit. Let them talk all they want, while we keep winning. Lil puppies bark, big dogs bite.” 

Sawyer currently sits in fourth place in the Poople table, but faces one of the tougher remaining schedules in the league. With battle tested stars like Mixon and Kupp, Sawyer has to feel good about his chances moving forward, but one can never get too comfortable in this topsy turvy league. 

Comedy Show Ekelers: Laughing Their Way to the Championship?



Sitting at an 82% chance to secure a postseason bid are the Comedy Show Ekelers, led by Dallas based gaffer Kenny Turner. Platooner sources were fortunate enough to catch up with CSE stars Amon Ra St. Brown and Austin Ekeler to talk about the team and the lofty expectations placed upon them by their manager. 

“It’s been a grind this season for sure.” second overall pick Austin Ekeler commented. “Frankly I think we’ve been held back a bit by the conditioning drills Kenny makes us do. Every Saturday he comes in blazing mad and makes us run like 10 gassers, on the eve of our matchup! Some of the guys have been talking and we think it’s because Liverpool is ass, and he’s been taking it out on us.”

Platooner sources have verified the fact that Liverpool is in fact ass, lending credibility to Ekeler’s comments. 

Meanwhile, St. Brown focused on the task at hand facing the squad the remainder of the season.

“We know how tough of a league this is. We lost one game last week, and went from 2nd to 5th in the standings overnight. We’ve got to lock in, play for each other, and seal the deal by locking up a playoff spot. If anyone deserves it, Kenny does.” 

Turner finds himself in the thick of the playoff hunt, though his two remaining matchups against fellow playoff hopefuls Stephen Clines and Jake Sawyer will prove a tough test leading up to Poople’s highly anticipated finale. Only time will tell if the performances of Turner’s unit will be as golden as his hair.

It’s Okay I’m Just in Her Bert: Contender or Pretender? The stats say: Both. 

Its Okay I’m Just in Her Bert has to be one of the most interesting squads to keep an eye on as the Poople season begins to wind down. The ESPN app gives manager Stephen Clines’ team a healthy 72% chance to make the playoffs, while his team is only two points away from scoring the least points for in the league on the season. 

Commenting on the up and down nature of the team’s season so far were running back Kenneth Walker and pass catcher Mike Evans. 

“I’m gonna go out there and get mine.” the rookie Walker said, dripping with the confidence that comes from being started over a consensus first round pick late in the season. “I haven’t been a starter on this team for long, and some managers around the league were honestly laughing at me and shitting on me bro like I was nothing. But now I’m back with avengence.” 

While Walker’s Soulja Boy reference was not lost on this sports journalist, wide out Mike Evans painted a truly interesting picture of what it’s like to play for Clines. 

“After every win we like to get a little loosey goosey in the locker room. Dudes are pounding Claws and Truly’s like no other, and the other week I actually brought some of my famous hard lemonade. Stephen is different though man, he’ll have like one or two and then just passes out, clothes on and everything. I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

It appears Clines has taken care to cultivate a true work hard play hard culture with his team. But will he have the chance to celebrate the ultimate accomplishment that Poople can offer? Victory on the grandest of stages?



Security Kamaras: A Song of Ice and Fire



It wouldn’t really be fair to describe this season as a roller coaster for Security Kamaras manager Hunter Tormey, really it’s just been one up and one down. Since starting the season a dreadful 1-5, Tormey has rattled off 3 consecutive wins to keep his unit’s playoff hopes alive heading into week 10. 

Wide receiver Justin Jefferson and running back Alvin Kamara spoke about how Tormey’s steady hand throughout the chaos of this season has helped bond the team together. 

“Everything we do here over at the squad is together man. We eat together. We griddy together. And Coach Tormey is really adamant that we all shower together too, though we probably could have done without the strobe lights in there.” Jefferson remarked.

Meanwhile, Kamara, who came over to Tormey’s side via a midseason trade with Lets Get Some Doubs commented on how refreshing his time with the team has been.

“I just wasn’t myself at Let’s Get Some Doubs, and I think my numbers showed that. Fortunately the coach believed in me and pulled the trigger on a blockbuster move, which many have said has been the only fair trade of the season. All I can say is you don’t want to play us right now and that’s on gang.” Kamara stated. 

Over the past few weeks, Tormey has seen his playoff odds more than double, though his brutal start to the season still puts him on the outside of the playoff picture looking in. Will Tormey complete his redemption arc and make the playoffs against all odds? Stay tuned to find out.

Sevin Dingleterry: A Season of Trade and Trauma



When Sevin Dingleterry manager Mitchell Cantway green lighted a controversial mid-season trade with league commissioner Jake Sawyer, many around the league shook their heads, and sincerely hoped that the Sri Lankan international would not come to regret the deal too much. The season since has not been kind to Cantway, whose odds to make the playoffs have been reduced to just 10%.

Joining Platooner sources after a closed door massage therapy recovery session were former Longhorns Devin Duvernay and Justin Tucker. 

“There’s still a lot to play for.” Duvernay said. “I don’t care what the numbers say, at the end of the day we’ve got a chance to win this thing. We just gotta keep doing everything we can to win, and if that means sending some pics of our dinks to the refs as compensation for giving us calls, then that’s what we’ll do.” 

Meanwhile, Tucker discussed some of the unexpected benefits that he’s experienced from playing under Cantway. 

“Mitch is a good dude man. I make kicks, he gives me treats. We’ve got a nice little arrangement going, and frankly I wouldn’t want to play anywhere else in the league!” Tucker said. 

Overall a slightly disappointing season is still capable of reaching the promised land for Cantway, though the odds are beginning to dwindle. Cantway is really going to have to dole out the treats over the next few weeks in an attempt to motivate his players to push the team to a Poople postseason appearance.

Very Mad: Inside the League’s Angriest Team 



Often times, draft pundits and talking heads are criticized in retrospect for making terrible takes about players who turn out to be stars in the league. Unfortunately for Sam Dunegan’s Very Mad team, that has not been the case this season. His team, which was picked by many as the worst after the draft, now clings to a mere 4% chance to make the playoffs. This is the first time in Poople history that a defending champion has had the lowest odds to make the postseason through 9 matchups since stats were recorded.

The Platooner was able to catch the entirety of the Bills Defense/Special Teams unit for comments on the state of the team. 

“Every season in this league is a battle, and we’re all just trying to do our part.” safety Micah Hyde said. “Honestly we felt like we had the moment to make a run, but then for whatever reason the guys upstairs decided to move on from Tony Pollard. I think that really sapped a lot of the energy out of the squad.” 

“We’re not prepared to concede anything.” pass rusher Von Miller defiantly barked. “As a defense we’re not gonna concede any points the rest of the season, and we damn sure aren’t ready to concede this title defense. We finna come out in week 10 and let them boys know: we’re very, very mad.” 

Dunegan will be pleased to hear such fiery dialogue from his star defensive unit, though one has to wonder how much of an impact they can really have on his waning playoff prospects. Very Mad needs a huge performance this week, as well as some help from other teams around the league, to avoid being put to bed early this fantasy season. 

Keeping Up With the Jones: Welcome to the League, Rook



If the Poople standings were a popularity contest, or a random poll of who is the sexiest manager, perhaps things would look much different from Keeping Up With the Jones manager Keaton Adcock. His inaugural Poople campaign has had its share of highs and lows, but in the end he finds himself at the bottom of the league table through the season’s first 9 weeks. 

Running backs Christian McCaffrey and Aaron Jones spoke about the sense of community Adcock has developed with his team in year one, and the challenges the team has faced looking to make a name for itself in this highly talented league. 

“Honestly I think it can be hard to play for a guy like Keaton sometimes.” McCaffrey says. “I mean you catch one glimpse of the guy popping his top off in the locker room and it’s all you can think about all game. Mans is a hottie.” 

While Adcock’s squad does not control its own destiny the remainder of the season, spirits still appear to be high in the locker room. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever met a better motivator of the people than Keaton. That retreat he took us on didn’t just give me the tools to be a better fantasy player, it helped me become a better man. I’m so thankful to Keaton man, and no matter how this season finishes he’s got a bright, bright future in this league.” Jones said. 

Jones’ comments should come as no surprise to those around the league who know Adcock as a fun loving man of the people. His ability to come into Poople and compete in year one has been very impressive, and as a fan of the league I personally cannot wait to see what he’ll achieve in the future.